Immaculate Interception

Yet another reason why we live in the greatest city ever



nd lo, it was in the season of the Great Blizzard, when the people needed Hope, that they turned their eyes southwesternward toward a place where the sun beat mercilessly onto the desert, causing widespread melanoma, and maidens rode on giant lions and flew through the air on sputtering stars. Then the people watched in drunken amazement as a ball floated as if it was a bird and bounced into the arms of a warrior already lying on his back. And they lamented that not even Bill or Tom, who had accomplished so many previous miracles, could counteract this wondrous thing. So the people began to rise and gather their vessels for recycling.

When, lo, the gods who look after the City of Champions placed the ball in the arms of an unsung defender, and the great Silver Trophy into the hands of Bill and Tom again, and back to our extraordinary city that has won so many times before in so many such games and sports that all the other cities spite us. And when the dawn broke, the people returned gladly to their shoveling, their heads pounding only slightly, glad again in so many ways that they had been selected to live in this place, no matter how cold it was about to get, and wondering what the hell is wrong with the Celtics.

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